I know this feeling well. Sometimes it feels like the only words left are the bad ones that don’t work towards mygoals but are, instead, just place holders until better words come along. It’s a pretty poisonous feeling; it paralyses me, and stops me from doing the things I want.

Sometimes, what tercentumquadragintaquatuor (- which is a handful to type!) feels about poetry is what I feel about writing. Anyone can write, anyone can tell a story: I’m not special or different. But we are special and different, because not everyone does and, truly, not everyone can. I, for instance, cannot for the life of me sit down and write a decent piece of poetry, and I can’t really sustain any level of beauty or ‘worth’ over longer pieces of writing. But at least I touch on it sometimes. Other people’s beauty and creative ability show themselves in different places. Maybe this is because I’m the sort of person who sees beauty in the curve of a train rounding a bend and bus stations in the morning as much as I do in a beautiful painting, or antique books and a piece of poetry and prose, but I believe beauty takes different forms. It’s not absolute, and it’s not quantifiable, and we definitely can create it 🙂

I kind of touched on this issue on one of my other blogs, in a post entitled ‘Why didn’t I write that?‘.

And, for the record, I think a well written essay is a lovely thing.

And The Imperfect Word

Sometimes it feels as though I cannot make anything good.  Beauty, there is beauty all around me; anywhere the eye lights is something beautiful, and me?  What can I do?  I am no artist of any kind, and I feel despair.  I want to create beauty, but I do not know how.

This can spiral.  I know I can write sonnets, but what of it?  It is not a difficult form.  (And oh, I know, I know this is not the case for everyone, but what does it matter?  I cannot make them beautiful.)  I can manage most poetry forms: with a sense of meter and a rhyming dictionary, so could anyone.

I can write essays, at least, I think.  This is probably my strongest skill, indeed, the one I have spent most time honing.  And even then–they are strong for a first year undergraduate.  Hah.  How helpful.  Can an…

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